Set Adrift

Saturday, July 15, 2006


I dreamt about Poppy again last night. I've probably had no more than 4 or 5 dreams about him since he's died (that I remember) but so far in every single one of them he's been sick. And it's really starting to piss me off. I don't want to have dreams about him where he's sick or about to die or that I know he's about to die. I want to have good dreams about the old Poppy, where's he's happy and we're having a good time, so that I don't wake up feeling like shit and sad and crying, but feeling happy and remembering the good stuff. When do the good dreams start?

The dream I had last night..Me and my kid S were staying at my mom's house, and I remember asking S is he had talked to Poppy, and he hadn't so I called and he answered. He told me he wasn't feeling well and was sleeping a lot and couldn't eat, and this time I knew to tell him what I wanted to tell him because I knew he was going to die. I told him, crying, that I loved him and that he was the best dad in the world and I was going to miss him terribly and I wouldn't have picked another dad if I could have. And I thanked him for everything he'd done for me and S. Then, I went and picked him up..But it gets weird here because someone had died, and I knew it was Poppy, but he was also not dead because he was driving around with me and some old guy in a van. We had to go take care of some last minute stuff before Poppy really died. But then he had his own death certificate and there was some salmon in the van and he said he loved fresh salmon. Weird. So, we go to the bank and he's is in bad shape, he's almost not able to walk and he tells me I need to help him because his arm and leg are already starting to die and not working. So he leans on me and I help him and I'm so sad. Then I make myself wake up because..Well, because the dream was sucking.

Then, I fell back asleep and immediately started dreaming about my dead great grandmother, who also wasn't dead yet but was about to die. This one was really weird though, because she had turned into a little old lady baby and I was carrying her around some store like Target because she wanted a pair of shoes like she had when she was a little girl. So, we found a pair of Keds that had a picture of Dora the Explorer on them and she loved them. We couldn't find a pair that fit and I just kept walking up and down the shoe aisles because I really wanted to find her some shoes before she died. All the time carrying her because she was a baby. With an old lady face and she could talk. And her diaper was wet and full and I remember thinking, am I supposed to change her or does she change herself? We never got the shoes, but there was a boy working at the store who thought I had the hots for him because I kept walking by him in my search for the shoes, and I had to stop and break it down to him that, no I wasn't trying to flirt with him, I just wanted to find a pair of freaking shoes! I woke up again around then and that was it, I didn't go back to sleep.

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