Set Adrift

Friday, October 06, 2006

Tired.

I'm so tired. And it's just going to get worse, especially with this week I have coming up. It's going to be filled with more one year ago memories of last events with Poppy, leading up to his death on the 12th. One year ago today was the day LJ and I left work to check on him because he wouldn't answer the phone, and I was so worried and scared. It was the last time I would see him in his apartment..the last time he would be in his apartment..the last time he'd be outside of the hospital. One year ago today was also the last time I would hear him talk, even if it wasn't totally rational or coherent. I sure do miss him.

I really effed up on my Stat's test I took on Weds. I got really sick on Monday night from this stupid blood pressure medication I was given when I went in to see about an ear infection..I really thought I was going to die. My lips were literally turning blue and the pink was non-existent in my fingernail beds. I don't know that i've ever been that sick. I think i'm still recovering, and that is part of the reason I bombed on my test and why i'm feeling so tired and drained now.

About the blood pressure..It's usually pretty high when I go to any sort of Dr..not just high, but extremely alarmingly high. When I went in about my ear infection it was 174/110 or something crazy like that. But it's only like that when i'm at the Doctor's office because I have a phobia thing going on. I could get into it but basically i'm a hypochondriac that's afraid of Doctors. Anyway, i've just been so stressed lately with work, Poppy, school..and just everything, that I really was thinking that my blood pressure might be up all the time now..so I told this Nurse Practitioner lady this and she was all gung ho on giving me a 50mg dose of BP Medication. I let her cuz I thought I was about to have a stroke or something..big mistake. I only took one dose, the sample dose she gave me right there at the clinic, and then she sent me right out to get the prescription filled, which I did for $130. But I got so sick off that one pill that I haven't even touched the prescription meds. A total waste of money. Because now that i'm monitoring myself at home again, my blood pressure has been just fine. I'm so weary about accepting prescriptions from anyone that doesn't have a bonified M.D. after their names now. I should have known better and just followed up on the BP with my regular Doctor., because she knows my history with it but the hypochondriac in me busted out like crazy while I was getting my ear checked. It's because they had all these high BP posters on the walls and shit, about enlarged hearts, a brain about to have a stroke, damaged kidneys..so I was like, shite, what if it is high? I better tell her! Yeah give me pills I don't want to die! God i'm such a nutcase. But, I also feel any good doctor (this was a NP) would have taken heed with what I told them about my past white coat fears and home monitoring with okay results, and had me do the same thing again before just agreeing to throw me on some medication. Especially at such a high starting dosage. I didn't know it was high until I did internet research and talked to my mom and boss who are both on BP meds. They usually test you with 25mgs to start. And, if that all isn't just terrible enough, this damn antibiotic i'm on for my ear infection has given me non-stop bathroom number 2 issues..and it'll probably keep up until i'm done taking them. And a raring yeast infection. Ok, ok, i'm done bitching!

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